The first time I ever felt like God, my child
was looking up at me, eyes wide around
pleading with me "make it different, Dadddy!"
maybe it was a rainy day, or something else,
a toy lost, a fever unbroken. I felt like God
because this is what it feels like to fail
something you created that has faith, believes
you can do anything. I know this isn't true,
even though I created things in my image,
like children. You make mistakes, you try to
unmake the image of Gods that created you,
This is how you know how Gods screw it up
on a regular basis. Parents are not Divine.
We are just another part of a grand design
we had no part of creating- an genetic line
of things angelic, infernal, but too often,
simply mundane. But everything is magic
tricks when your audience is so trusting.
Parenting is smoke-and-mirror special-effect;
a bright face we put on for our kids, that says,
I know what I'm doing and I've got a plan
behind all of this, I hope. We are making it
up as we go along, juggling while we struggle
to read books on perfect juggling, no mistakes;
knowing we are going to drop the ball sometimes,
the way Gods do. We are going to scar our kids,
cause them to reject us & pray, instead to music
of Gods closer to their own age. And if we win,
it is when we get to take off the Godhead, behold
eyes that know us now as human, and love us still.
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